Yesterday I learned some lessons the hard way. I was extremely tired from getting little sleep the night before, it was raining which made it harder for me to muster up an outing for the children & I needed to handle 2 self-imposed trips for the older children. They are in a summer program and the performance for the camp was last night at 6:30. Having little sleep, stressed about making sure I got them in a reasonable time to get some rest & then to get them back in time for a few practices had run its toll on my mind. During the morning, my toddlers wanted to hang around my legs while I cooked the weekends dinner. This was a little unnerving for me because quite frankly I wanted them in the great room playing with toys & watching Sesame Street until I finished up…no such luck. I’m really trying to be more frugal with our money. The only place to cut back is the grocery bill (well I could cut off/down the cable & drop the Y but…). I mean it’s ridiculous. I often think of when we were back in the Army and only had $200 for food, we would go the store with a calculator. I’m not sure what would have happened if I wanted to be healthy then! I think the problem is partly because I want to eat one way, the children want to eat another way and I forgot who was in charge. I was thinking yesterday, when my grandma was raising me, I didn’t have all this choice, I’m not sure I was asked did I want anything from the grocery store. They cooked and I ate it. If I didn’t like it, don’t eat it…point blank. My kidos: don’t like potato salad, don’t like beans, won’t eat greens…this is crazy. I’m going to go old school on them. We’ll see who gives in!!!
SO, back to painful lessons. After I did the two step with the older two, I thought I would chill in the bonus room with the toddlers and try to work on a 2 week frugal mama grocery list, that contains a mixture of no meat foods for me and some meat containing foods for them and oh, did I mention I’m trying to be frugal & healthy. So all the frugal meals I found contain red meat & pork…go figure! Skipping over some tense moments with the kidos, it came the time for me to get the babies ready, get them dinner, and get myself showered by or before 6. Now, by this point, I had gotten on my I need help horse but I never shared that with anyone. My Boo (my hubby) called to tell me (earlier in the day), he wouldn’t be home till 5:45, all I thought was this is only 15 minutes before we leave…great! The toddlers had skipped there naps so they were in rare form and inside my blood was boiling. Like any good movie, once we came down for their dinner, the baby didn’t want to eat…food was everywhere. After rushing them through clean up & dinner, I tried to explain to my two toddlers that Mama had to take a shower, so you’ll go to your rooms for rest time until I’m all done & then we’ll go to the car to see Tori & Kimmi (saying go to the car to do anything usually gets me a favorable response)! Trinity, my 3 year old, complied with no problems. Audrey, my 20 months old, threw a complete fit, she screamed at the top of her lungs until I got out of the shower to get her. I grew angry at my mother-in-law. Why didn’t she come up to help me, I asked myself? My mother’s (grandmother & mother) would have, I told myself. Why doesn’t he come home early, I asked myself. Doesn’t he know I need some help, I told myself. The reality is no one but me & God knew how I was feeling. Silly me, I tried to move in my own strength and never turned my eyes towards Heaven. I never stopped or thought to ask my Heavenly Father, the Creator of the earth for some supernatural strength. I’m sure He must have looked at me and wanted to help, I’m also sure He must have wondered why I didn’t ask Him for help; but like I tell my children, “when you need my help, let me know”…Isn’t that funny & ironic! When my husband arrived, I could only see red, I threw words of furry at my husband and this of course led to us leaving for the so dearly anticipated performance in a rush & angry at each other.
Well, needless to say that would have been enough but no. Upon arrival my daughter, Kimmi (who is overcoming her special needs) was running around with no shoes on, this infuriated me, as all the other children had shoes on. Then once the performances started she wouldn’t be quiet. Sure, they all knew she battles various special needs but she kept repeating the same word over & over & over again until I had to leave the audiences. They ran out to get her at her dance performance and then they basically gave her back to me when it was over. So great, I didn’t get to see my oldest daughter perform the rest of the show. I grew bitter as I waited in the hall. I decided to walk Kimmi down to the play room and call my grandma. Boy did she lay into me. I had a come to Jesus meeting about my behavior that I displayed to Ramon, I had a shape up or ship out on parenting issues & my job as a mother, and I had a gentle discussion about how I needed to talk to the Lord because He knows all things & he is my comforter & my strength. I grew humble in spirit and couldn’t wait to apologize to Ramon. She reminded me that I should be thankful we have a camcorder so that I can see the performance later, some people would have had to simply miss the whole performance. Just as soon as the storm began to calm, Kimmi has a seizure. A mild one with some vomiting but I knew how to handle it. My grandmother prayed (loudly) on the phone (I had placed it on the floor) while I got Kimmi together & cleaned her face. We then headed to the car to rest till they all came out. My grandma said to me, “see, God had you were you needed to be, at the right time”.
Lessons learned: Never get to full of yourself that you don’t rely fully on God for strength (even in the mundane things). Always stay humble or you’ll be humbled. Man can never do a job that is meant for God. The Lord is my salvation & my strength!
Till next time.
Nakisha Guzman
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